I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
