I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
