I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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