what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize