the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
