He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
