thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
