just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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