you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
