Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
