Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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