Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The ass gains better be worth it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
