I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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