i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
