so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
