Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
