i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
