I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
