i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
