He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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