I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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