I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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