dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
