I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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