i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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