my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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