best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
