you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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