I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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