ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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