i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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