I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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