How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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