PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize