dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
