i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
