Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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