OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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