I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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