i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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