last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
