dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
