with your own penis?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Someone came in the potted fern
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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