Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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