i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
