and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
