I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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