i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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