Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
