i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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