I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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