my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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