Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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