our cab driver is having phone sex.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You dont lie about slip and slides
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
