the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
