we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's rum buckets o'clock
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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