God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
