ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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