I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it's like iHOP with fire
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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