i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
