you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
