she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
