just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
