Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
