tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
