All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
