The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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